Pandemic Parenting: Like Living with Mom Guilt on Steroids
Re-read the Terms and Conditions
Did you know that every mom signs a terms and conditions form when bringing home their baby from the hospital? Its one of those forms that they give with all of the name registry paperwork. Don’t remember it? You were probably tired.
In the Terms and Conditions of bringing the baby home, you actually signed an agreement to worry about your child all the time. It also says that you will purchase obscene amounts of adorable 0-3 month sized clothing that they will never wear. You’ll agree to watch Dora the Explorer on repeat for a full year and following Dora will be Paw Patrol. In the really fine print it states that you agree to receive 450 emails a day from your child’s kindergarten teacher as well.
Unfortunately, moms, there has been an update to the terms and conditions of being a parent recently. In this agreement, you have to decide if you should send your child to school and risk them getting COVID, or keep them home and risk mental health deterioration. It also says in fine print that you will have no idea what the right answer is, that you will likely have a very different view than the mom sitting next to you, and that your kids will probably blame you when they’re older for whatever decision you choose to make.
We didn’t sign up for this
I know what you’re thinking. You didn’t sign up for this. This wasn’t outlined in the prenatal classes. Motherhood was supposed to be play dates and birthday parties, with the occasional stuffy nose that kept you up all night. We learned what to do if our children have a tummy ache or how to track their developmental milestones. We did not learn how to homeschool and pretend to have it all together at the same time. We didn’t learn what the difference is between childhood depression and anxiety. We did not agree that we need to be working moms, homeschooling moms, muffin-baking moms, and a thoughtful wife, dog walker and house cleaner — all at the same time. We just didn’t. And yet, here we are, 20 months into the pandemic and still living in survival mode.
Decide on a path and go for it
Here’s the thing. The uncertainty of what’s coming next will absolutely break us all if we focus on that too much. As much as I would love to be the one making public health guidelines, no one cares what I have to say (or what doctors, other nurses, the CDC or every other health professional in Canada have to say either). The reality is that we are on our own, moms. We simply have to make the right decision for our family right now. I will say this though, if you are using your very best mom judgement and reading evidence that is based on science, whatever path you choose will probably be the right one. One day our kids will have kids and they will hopefully be *only* feeling the guilt of whether or not their babe received their vitamin D that day (just like we did, once upon a time), and maybe they will ask us how we survived. My response when my kids will be that these were some of the hardest years of our lives and while it was chaotic behind the scenes, both parents tried harder to navigate this than they will ever understand and that our love for them was stronger than the chaos.
I hope you know that I see you. I hear you when you are questioning if you’re cut out for this. I know this is not what we expected to be doing, 20 months into the pandemic. I also know that I am not alone and I will continue to voice that motherhood is hard, and beautiful over and over again until all of your believe that you are great moms. Hang in there, ladies.
