My kids and I went for a long walk today. It was longer than we usually go but I wanted to spend as much time outside as we could. My little girl has a medical condition that limits her ability to do lengthy physical activity, so on good days, we take advantage of her energy level. As we were walking back home I turn around and my daughter had sat herself down on the sidewalk. She said she was tired and needed a break. I told her we were really close to home but this didn’t matter to her— she needed to rest at that moment, regardless of how far away we were from home. We could have been six feet from our doorstep and she likely would have said the same thing. “My legs are tired, mommy. I just need a minute”. She wasn’t asking for short cuts or for an Uber ride home, she just needed a minute to regain her strength. Okie dokie, little love, we will rest for as long as you need.
She was doing what we have been teaching her for years. She was listening to her body. She was telling us what she needs. She was unapologetically helping herself and it was fantastic to witness.
The take-home message from this. If there was ever a time to listen to yourself, right now is that time. Keep reading. I have a point.
I have always been a planner. Plans make me happy. Lists make me happy. Knowing what I’m doing with my life and how I am going to get there makes me feel settled and content. But right now, I have no plan and I am beginning to be okay with that.
In January I made the right decision to end the business that I had put my heart and bloody soul into for two years. I went back and forth about whether it was the right decision, but as soon as I made up my mind I felt like it was exactly what needed to happen. I loved the business, but I needed to spend more time with my family on the weekend. I needed a new goal. And then, like it was meant to happen, I was offered an amazing job at an amazing company. It was the perfect next step and it checked all the boxes for work/life balance. I often sat in the parking lot before work and had to remind myself that they didn’t make a mistake by hiring me and I was actually offered this role that seemed like a position that was made for me. And then COVID-19 happened and within a matter of days my role was eliminated and my contract ended. Gone before I could really even get started.
Over the last eight weeks, I can honestly say I have deeply felt all of the emojis. Gratitude, anger, happiness, sadness, shame, guilt (so much mom guilt) and probably the little eye roll emoji at least a dozen times a day. I have spent weeks thinking about the next plan for Sam — researching what I can do so I can have a goal again. I’ve spent many hours looking at continuing education courses trying to grasp at something new to keep my brain occupied but nothing seems to fit and my husband is tired of hearing me tell him about my new plans. What I really needed was to let myself be okay with not having a plan at all.
My daughter is one of the strongest and sweetest people I know. I swear she was born sweet and brilliant. Her time to take a rest on the sidewalk was exactly what I needed to solidify the message that its okay to slow down. It’s okay to sit. It’s okay to say that you need a break. Right now is not the time to be preparing for the LSATs, Sam. Right now is the time that you take a breath and realize that sometimes “keeping your eyes on the road” is all you have to do for yourself and that is okay.
I hope this little message can find its way to someone who needs it.
Stay safe,
Love, Sam
